In the twenty-seven years of his life Yan Yue had never tried to be so close to anyone.
He had no memories of being swaddled as a baby, and wondered if his mother would have gently and lovingly held him in her arms. But it seemed that ever since he could remember, he had never had such a close relationship with anyone without a trace of estrangement.
Yan Yue hugged Lu Lingxi tightly; the boy’s body was soft and surrounded by the faint fragrance of grass and leaves. Perhaps because he was so surprised, the young man didn’t even try to push him away. Yan Yue’s lips pressed against the young man’s earlobe, and from this angle he could see Lu Lingxi’s delicate collar bone and a large area of fair skin. He touched the young man’s waist somewhat uncontrollably; the skin under his palm was warm and soft, like fine white jade. This beautiful sensation made his body tremble with excitement. The urges and desires that he had been trying to suppress all this time swept through his body like a violent storm.
Yan Yue felt that he could no longer repress it. He knew it was wrong, but the young man would not understand what a shocking wave had been caused in his heart by just that glance. From the moment he kissed Lu Lingxi uncontrollably, there was no way back. Since this was the case, Yan Yue’s heart simply gave birth to a ruthless determination of someone looking death in the eye.
His lips left the boy’s earlobe and found the place he had been longing for. The moment his lips touched, Yan Yue felt as if he had reached heaven.
It was only then that Lu Lingxi finally reacted and began to struggle.
To Yan Yue, Lu Lingxi’s struggle was nothing. In this position the young man was unable to exert any force at all. Yan Yue easily confined him in his arms. He cupped the young man’s chin tremblingly, half forcing him to open his mouth, and kissed him obsessively. There was confusion in the young man’s eyes, mixed with shyness and indignation, and a hint of disbelief, and Yan Yue kissed him with fascination.
Unlike the previous dragonfly kiss, this kiss was a kiss in the strictest sense of the word. Although it was Yan Yue’s first kiss, he had a kind of uncanny ability to do it without any experience, relying only on his instincts to drive in and taste the sweetness of the young man’s mouth in earnest. The kiss was a frenzied and trembling one, full of all Yan Yue’s emotions, with an unrelenting energy and a ruthlessness that didn’t leave any way for retreat.
Lu Lingxi’s reaction was very slow. Although Yan Yue was inexperienced, he at least had a theory, but Lu Lingxi had no theory or experience at all. Almost forced to open his mouth, Lu Lingxi was a little puzzled as he felt Yan Yue’s breath. Unlike his usual calmness and reliability, Yan Yue at this moment was someone completely unfamiliar to him. Lu Lingxi was a little scared, and more than anything else, uneasy at being controlled. Lu Lingxi’s face began to flush and he gradually became a little breathless.
Yan Yue keenly sensed the abnormality of the young man in his arms and let go of Lu Lingxi with some reluctance. He was worried that if he continued kissing the young man, Lu Lingxi would suffocate because he would not be able to catch his breath. Yan Yue’s gaze fell on the young man’s ravaged red lips, his eyes fierce and eager to taste them all over again.
Lu Lingxi finally came back to his senses, panting heavily in Yan Yue’s arms. He tried somewhat feebly to push Yan Yue away and was held tightly.
“Xiao Xi, please don’t be angry.” Yan Yue’s voice trembled a little with a hint of pleading, “I know it’s my fault, but I like you and simply can’t control my feelings.”
Lu Lingxi lowered his head and didn’t speak. Yan Yue was a little scared. He was afraid that Lu Lingxi wouldn’t understand his feelings, and he was even more afraid that Lu Lingxi would understand but would refuse to accept them. If that happened, he would definitely be unable to resist forcing the young man into confinement, ignoring his wishes and resistance. He didn’t want to go this far, he wanted more, he was greedy.
“Xiao Xi, don’t hate me.” Yan Yue sighed, “You don’t understand how much I like you. I liked you irrepressibly from the first moment I saw you. Dahei, Tiny Garden, everything was an excuse for me to get closer to you. I want to see you, to be by your side, to hold you and kiss you like I did now. I don’t know if you understand these feelings. I’ve been telling myself to hold back desperately, I was afraid I’d scare you. But feelings are really hard to control. I never thought I would like someone like this, no, not like, it’s love. Xiao Xi, I love you.”
Lu Lingxi in his arms moved slightly, and Yan Yue immediately sensed that he’d relented. He softened his tone and coaxed more and more patiently, “Ye Kang is a psychologist, Xiao Xi, you know that, right? I’ve had serious psychological problems since I was a kid. Ye Kang used to say that I was a robot and he suspected that I had no feelings at all. I always thought I was emotionally deficient, but when I met you I realised that it wasn’t that I had no feelings, but that all my feelings were reserved for you. Xiao Xi, you are my switch, the switch that turned me from a robot to a human being.”
Lu Lingxi finally raised his head. His expression was a little aggrieved and embarrassed. He bit his lip slightly and said in confusion, “But we’re both men.”
In his education, including the TV and movies he watched, it was always a man and a woman together. Could two men also be together?
This question from Lu Lingxi was like a ray of light to Yan Yue. He thought he was going to be sentenced to death, but then someone suddenly told him that there was amnesty and he could go home. Yan Yue didn’t expect the young man’s problem to be this. He desperately tried to hold down the excitement in his heart, like a big wolf in sheep’s clothing luring an innocent, naive and pure little lamb, using an incomparably calm and reliable tone, patiently coaxing: “Xiao Xi, excluding the fact that we are both men, do you hate me holding you? Do you hate me kissing you like this?”
Lu Lingxi looked away somewhat skittishly, the tips of his ears slightly flushed. Although the feeling was strange and his heart was beating like it was going to jump out of his throat the next moment, he didn’t seem to hate it. Moreover, Lu Lingxi thought somewhat inappropriately of the dream last night. Big Brother Yan was in the dream. Was he like that too?
“Xiao Xi, you don’t hate it, do you?” Yan Yue cunningly replaced “like” with “don’t hate” and continued to ask.
Lu Lingxi nodded a bit shyly and said honestly, “I don’t hate it, but…”
Before he could finish but what, Yan Yue had already rejoiced. To Yan Yue, “I don’t hate” was Lu Lingxi’s answer, and the contradiction that followed was unimportant.
Lu Lingxi: “Big brother…”
All the unspoken words were blocked back by Yan Yue’s kiss. Different from the madness of the first kiss, this kiss had more of a soothing meaning, gentle and lingering. Yan Yue kept kissing until Lu Lingxi almost choked, before he stopped. His eyes looked at Lu Lingxi in worship, his expression rapt. The young man’s cheeks were scarlet from his kiss and his eyes were bewildered. Yan Yue carefully and reverently pressed his forehead against the young man’s forehead, repeating in a low but firm voice, “Xiao Xi, I love you.”
Lu Lingxi came to his senses and pushed Yan Yue away in some embarrassment, “You…”
You what, he was a little unable to say. He’d just obviously said he didn’t hate it, but before he could finish, Yan Yue took his words out of context. He was a little angry, but he didn’t know why he was angry; it was more like he was ashamed, not knowing how to face Yan Yue.
The way Lu Lingxi twisted his head like this and refused to pay him any attention made Yan Yue’s eyes darken even more. He knew the desires of his own body. He desperately wanted to overpower the young man, to possess him, to force him, but the last shred of sanity held at him tightly. His day had been more than perfect, he couldn’t push too hard on the young man, he should give him some time to adapt. Adapt to him, and to the change in the relationship between the two of them.
Yan Yue took a deep breath, suppressing all of his frantic longing. He half-kneeled in front of Lu Lingxi, looked sincerely into Lu Lingxi’s eyes and apologised, “Xiao Xi, it was my fault, I should have heard you out. But I was just too happy. I thought you would hate me, I was afraid you would be unhappy, afraid you would be disgusted with me. But you said you didn’t hate me. You don’t know how happy I was, I couldn’t control my emotions at all. Are you angry, Xiao Xi? If you’re angry, you can beat me and scold me, Big Brother Yan will definitely not resist.”
Yan Yue’s ‘sorrowful soldier wins’(1) policy worked well. Lu Lingxi’s heart softened, “I’m not angry. It’s just that…”
“Just what?” Yan Yue asked patiently.
Lu Lingxi was a little embarrassed, “It’s just that I find it strange that we…”
Yan Yue keenly sensed what Lu Lingxi was about to say and took the lead, “Look, Xiao Xi, two men can also be together. I won’t lie to you. There are many people like us. We are no different from others. The same like, the same love, the same life together. Xiao Xi, I love you and you don’t hate me, would you like to give me a chance and try to be together?”
Lu Lingxi was a little hesitant. He didn’t hate Yan Yue, on the contrary he liked him, but was this liking of his the same as Yan Yue’s like? Yan Yue talked about them trying to be together; like Brother Dong and his girlfriend were together?
“But I don’t understand.” Lu Lingxi said honestly, “Big Brother Yan, I think I like you too, but I don’t understand if it’s the same kind of like you’re talking about. Is this okay?”
“Of course.” Yan Yue hugged Lu Lingxi ecstatically. He was a little afraid that what he was hearing was an illusion and only by hugging Lu Lingxi could he feel real. “Xiao Xi, it’s okay that you don’t understand now, we can learn slowly. Big Brother Yan didn’t understand before either, he only learnt after he met Xiao Xi.”
Lu Lingxi was a little shy, but still nodded slowly.
Yan Yue looked at Lu Lingxi’s expression and only felt his heart was full to the brim. He didn’t expect that looking death in the eye could really be the new beginning. The moment Lu Lingxi agreed, he really felt that the Yin family, the Yan family, and the Hopewell Group inheritance all added up were not worth even a hair on the young man’s head. He wanted to do nothing from now on and just stay by Lu Lingxi’s side. It would be best if there was a rope that could tie the two of them together, so that he could take the young man wherever he went and never be separated.
“I’ll carry you back.”
Lu Lingxi let out an “en” and suddenly thought, “Where’s Dahei?”
How come Dahei hadn’t come out after all the commotion they had made outside?
Yan Yue hooked the corner of his mouth and didn’t say anything.
Inside the room, Dahei was intently gnawing on two braised chicken legs, his ears twitching every now and then to listen to the movement outside. Animals don’t have as many complicated thoughts as humans, and since Dahei recognised Yan Yue, he would naturally not be wary of him.
When Yan Yue carried Lu Lingxi into the house, Lu Lingxi saw the chicken legs on the floor at a glance. He looked accusingly at Yan Yue, who had a straight expression, as if he knew nothing. He placed Lu Lingxi gently on the bed and lowered his head to kiss the young man on the forehead resignedly. “You go to bed first, I’ll clean up.”
Lu Lingxi nodded in some embarrassment. While Yan Yue was out, he quickly took off his shorts, then took the sheet and wrapped himself into a cocoon, revealing only his head outside. His movements were completely subconscious, and Lu Lingxi’s face suddenly flushed even though he was not quite sure what was going on his mind.
What Yan Yue saw when he came back from washing up was Lu Lingxi wrapped up tightly. He lay down beside the young man with some amusement and reached out to pull the boy into his arms.
“Big Brother Yan, you…” Lu Lingxi said, blushing.
“Good boy, I’m not doing anything, just cuddling and sleeping.” Yan Yue coaxed in a low voice.
Lu Lingxi moved his body uneasily, somewhat uncomfortable with such closeness.
Yan Yue could see his reaction and patiently patted his back, slowly coaxing and persuading him. Lu Lingxi was a little tired from the day’s tossing and turning and unconsciously fell asleep in Yan Yue’s arms. Yan Yue looked at his quiet and peaceful sleeping face with contentment. The clamouring noise deep in his heart slowly calmed down and the void that had been festering since he was six years old was finally filled with something.
After a deep night’s sleep, Yan Yue slowly opened his eyes after dawn. His first thought was to look for Lu Lingxi, but the bed was empty, and there was no Lu Lingxi. Yan Yue’s face instantly sank, distorted at the thought that he had dreamt everything last night.
Quickly putting on his clothes, Yan Yue didn’t care to wash up, pushed the door open and started looking everywhere for Lu Lingxi.
He was not in the plant nursery; he was not in the small courtyard. Even Dahei was not there.
Yan Yue was a little scared. He was afraid of waking up and finding out that last night was all a dream, and even more afraid of seeing regret and disgust on Lu Lingxi’s face.
His car was still parked in the courtyard, and since Lu Lingxi didn’t know how to drive, Yan Yue took a deep breath and decided to go to Uncle Li’s place to check. After barely walking for two steps, he suddenly froze, looking ahead with some disbelief. The old willow tree that had been split in half by lightning last night had actually come to life. Countless young shoots were emerging from the charred branches, and the newborn soft willow saplings swayed gently to the wind. There were birds resting on the trunk chirping, and the whole tree was full of majestic vitality.
Lu Lingxi stood quietly in front of the willow tree, with Dahei crouching at his feet. Hearing the familiar sound of footsteps behind him, Lu Lingxi turned his head and curved his eyes at Yan Yue, smiling faintly.
Yan Yue’s heart settled down in an instant. He stepped forward and enveloped Lu Lingxi in his arms, lowering his head and kissing him fiercely.
- From Laozi: “There is no greater misfortune than underestimating the enemy, and underestimating the enemy will lose the treasure. Therefore, if the resistance is added up, the one who ir sorrowful will win.”