Passing by the supermarket near the company after getting off work, Zhou Lan hesitated and turned in.

Daily necessities, fruits, vegetables, meat and eggs, he bought a shopping cart full of them, and at the checkout, he passed the tobacco and alcohol counter and stopped again.

Zhou Lan drank alcohol, but didn’t smoke much, just occasionally, for fun.

There was a dazzling array of cigarettes, various packages, and various prices. This kind of tobacco and alcohol counter didn’t sell the kind of cheap cigarettes that Shen Yun smoked.

Zhou Lan took a few packs and put them in the shopping cart, then drove home.

There was a traffic jam on the way to home from work, stop and go and stop again. Zhou Lan felt a little funny as he drove. He actually did it for that brat…

There was still the score between them that had not been settled yet.

Shen Yun carried the chill inside, and as soon as he stepped in, Zhou Lan pressed him to the door frame and kissed him.

Warm lips kissed the cold corners of his eyes, the tip of his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, and then moved towards his mouth…

Shen Yun instinctively ducked his head sideways, but Zhou Lan pinched his chin and turned his face back, biting down hard on the cool, soft lips.

The hot lips and tongue licked and kissed Shen Yun’s lips, his teeth, and then twisted around his soft tongue and sucked it hard. The dexterous tip of the tongue tickled his palate, and the tingling sensation rushed from his mouth to his brain, and then spread down along the spine. Shen Yun couldn’t help but grunt softly.

“Comfortable?” Zhou Lan released his lips and tongue, his warm hand rubbing lightly on the cool, smooth skin.

Shen Yun looked at him and chuckled quietly, “President Zhou is in such good spirits, is he so energetic every day?”

The voice was light and sweet, titillating one’s desires.

Zhou Lan bit his ear fiercely, and Shen Yun’s body stiffened in pain.

Satisfied, Zhou Lan gently blew into his ear, “Where were we? Cry for me tonight, eh?”

Shen Yun stopped talking and pushed him away, his eyes and lips moist, “I’m going to take a shower.”

There was no lubrication, no foreplay. The brutal intrusion made Shen Yun turn white. He finally knew what Zhou Lan meant by “cry for me tonight”.

He curled up in pain, covered in cold sweat that made his milky white skin shine brightly, twisting and undulating under the light as he was lifted and lowered, extremely attractive.

He grasped the sheets tightly with both hands, crumpling and tearing them, biting his lips to endure.

It was as if a knife was placed in his body, and he was slowly subjected to death by a thousand cuts.

The blood on his lips flowed into his mouth, the smell of blood filling the air. Shen Yun thought: a bowl of bitter medicine.

There was a gradual wetness below; Shen Yun’s blood.

Zhou Lan lightly bit Shen Yun’s beautifully shaped butterfly bone (shoulder blade) and asked in an airy voice: “Does it hurt?”

Shen Yun didn’t have a little bit of pleasure. He tried his best to suppress the trembling caused  by the pain, and chuckled softly: “Why doesn’t President Zhou try it himself to know?”

Zhou Lan moved fiercely; Shen Yun’s whole body tightened in pain, his insides also contracting and squeezing, too tight, making Zhou Lan uncomfortable as well.

He kissed the thin skin behind Shen Yun’s ear: “Relax.”

Shen Yun couldn’t relax. His eyes were red from the pain, and he said in a trembling voice: “Hurry up, hurry up and finish.”

Zhou Lan gritted his teeth and sank deep into him. Shen Yun bit on his own wrist, his lips stained with blood.

As he swayed in the sea of suffering, not struggling, not avoiding, Shen Yun’s eyes gradually blurred.

When everything finally ended, Shen Yun was already numb, so tired that he couldn’t even open his eyes, his mind in a daze.

Zhou Lan put him in the bathtub and helped him wash the sweat and other fluids from his body, watching him be at the mercy of others like a dead fish.

He cupped his chin and made him face himself, “Will you dare next time?”

Shen Yun opened his eyes and stared at him in a daze for a moment, then suddenly frowned and asked softly, “It’s you?”

Zhou Lan wanted to crush his bones. If not him, who else could it be?

He thought about it and asked, “Who is it if not me?”

Shen Yun, however, didn’t answer and hooked one corner of his lips, as if to show off: “I didn’t cry.”

Zhou Lan was silent and loosened his hand, wiped him dry and wrapped him in the quilt, then took the ointment to apply on him.  The coolness down there was much more comfortable. Shen Yun sighed softly. Zhou Lan then also lifted the corner of the quilt to get in, taking him into his arms.

Shen Yun habitually groped for a cigarette, squinting and holding it under his nose to sniff, sniffing for a while and reluctantly putting it back.

“Why don’t you smoke anymore?” Zhou Lan asked as he hugged him.

Shen Yun didn’t say anything.

“Can’t even afford to smoke?”

Shen Yun still didn’t say anything.

Zhou Lan turned him over, raised his hand and stroked back his bangs. Only then did he see the wound on his forehead. He stretched out his hand and touched it: “What happened?”

Shen Yun dodged: “Accidentally bumped it.”

Zhou Lan looked at him: “Does it hurt?”

Shen Yun smiled, “It hurts more down there.”

Zhou Lan slid his hand into the crack of his buttocks, “Rub it for you?”

Shen Yun glared at him, his eyes misty, not very fierce: “President Zhou, you are really…”

He used to be very good at saying sweet words, not very good at saying slurs, so he stopped talking.

Zhou Lan watched him deflate and smiled, “Can’t say it? I’ll teach you later slowly.”

As he said that, he leaned down again, kissed his lips, and licked the wound on his lips. The cold lips had become hot and soft, particularly kissable.

Shen Yun closed his eyes. Zhou Lan kissed for a while, and said, “You’re not allowed to leave tomorrow morning.”

Then he caught him in his arms again. Shen Yun wanted to roll aside to sleep but Zhou Lan didn’t let go. Shen Yun had to say, “I’m not used to it.”

“You will get used to it slowly.” Zhou Lan said.

Shen Yun smiled helplessly and bitterly: “Isn’t it more terrifying to get used to it?”

Zhou Lan didn’t say anything, just pinched him hard on the waist. Shen Yun had to obediently let him hug, and went to sleep.

In the middle of the night, he had another nightmare. Xu Moran still said “I love you” to him and then crushed his heart.

Shen Yun woke up with a sharp gasp, his body sore all over. He gently removed Zhou Lan’s arm around him and sat up.

As usual, it was the same balcony. The first time he came here, there was heavy snow drifting outside the window, but at the moment there was a bright moon hanging obliquely.

Winter moonlight was especially bright, and the ground seemed to be covered in a layer of silver frost, very beautiful, but cold and lonely.

Shen Yun lit a cigarette and silently looked out the window.

He thought of Xu Moran, the way he clenched his teeth; in the past he liked it the most and felt that it was especially manly.

Today Xu Moran still protected him; although things had changed, perhaps this was fate.

Sometimes he was really tired and doubted if his choice was right or wrong, but who could resist the arrangement of fate?

If you can’t, just accept your fate! But he was always unwilling to be reconciled, so he tossed and turned. Anyway, with this life, there was nothing else to do.

Shen Yun leaned against the cold window glass silently. That urge was there.

Sometimes he really wanted to give up this loneliness and pain of walking on the blade of the knife, turn around and jump back into Xu Moran’s arms again, where it was very warm.

He knew it.

But he couldn’t.

Instinctively, he tried to press the cigarette butt against the back of his hand, finally stopping the moment the searing heat made contact with his skin.

Shen Yun buried his head in his lap.

Tomorrow is a new day, so wait patiently a little longer.

Zhou Lan observed Shen Yun in the darkness, the lonely silhouette of this person making him inexplicably a little sad.

Facing him, he always felt so intense.

No one had ever given him such a feeling, as if without him pushing harder, this person would slowly dissipate into the air like smoke.

Never to be found again.

It was not a pleasant feeling for Zhou Lan at all; one might even say it was a little depressing.

He sat up and called, “Come here.”

Shen Yun raised his head and walked back lightly, lifting the corner of the quilt to get under it, “Woke you up?”

Zhou Lan took him back in his arms, “Having a nightmare again?”

Shen Yun nodded and lowered his eyelids, hiding the light in his eyes.

The body in his arms was cold; Zhou Lan shivered a little. Shen Yun wanted to leave, but the other party held him a little tighter.

“Shen Yun,” he called. “Is it that sad?”

Shen Yun curled up his body and didn’t say anything, but his nose was sore because of these words.

People are like this, they are strongest in the face of suffering and tiredness, but in the face of warmth, they will be very fragile.

Perhaps on such a lonely night, such a close embrace made one relax the heart’s defence. Zhou Lan gently stroked the wound on Shen Yun’s forehead, once again asking: “Is it worth it?”

“It’s worth it.” Shen Yun said. This time he chose to answer.

It was worth it. Everything was moving forward according to the scheduled route. He should be very satisfied.

Perhaps Zhou Lan’s embrace was too warm, and Shen Yun unexpectedly fell into another deep sleep.

When he woke up in the morning, Zhou Lan had already prepared breakfast, bread, milk and eggs.

Zhou Lan pointed, “Let’s eat something simple, I don’t know how to cook either.”

Shen Yun smiled, “President Zhou is very virtuous.”

No one had ever dared to make fun of Zhou Lan like this, and strangely enough, he wasn’t angry; instead his ears were a little hot.

So he bluffed, “Looks like I’m still too good to you?”

Shen Yun sat at the table, biting into the bread, curving his eyes in a smile as he said, “It’s delicious.”

There was a particularly contented look on his face. Zhou Lan looked at him and snorted.

Zhou Lan finished eating first, carelessly took out a few cigarette packs from one of the drawers and placed them on the table, “Someone gave them to me. I don’t smoke, it’s a pity to throw them away. Take them and smoke them.”

Shen Yun looked at the cigarettes and shook his head, “Give them someone else, I can’t smoke such good cigarettes.”

Zhou Lan was a little angry, thinking that he just didn’t want to get involved with himself monetarily.

He felt strange. Other people wanted money, and if people asked for money, he’d feel uncomfortable because he thought they were after money. 

Don’t want it, huh? He was also guilty of cheap psychology (the more you can’t get it, the more you treasure it; easy to get, you don’t care). “I’ve heard people say that there is suffering that can’t be suffered, how can there be blessings that can’t be enjoyed?”

Shen Yun smiled: “It’s easy to go from frugality to luxury, and it’s hard to go from luxury to frugality. If I smoke these, I won’t be able to smoke those. Put them away.”

Zhou Lan frowned, standing there: “Isn’t it just a few cigarettes? Even if you smoke them for the rest of your life, how much will it cost?”

Shen Yun swallowed the bread in his mouth and said seriously, “For someone like you, it’s naturally nothing,” he lowered his eyes and said with difficulty, “but it’s different for me, you know, right?”

Zhou Lan’s mind became hot, and he blurted out, “Then I’ll let you smoke them for a lifetime, what then?”

Shen Yun was startled, hooked one side of his mouth and smiled like a bad boy, “President Zhou dares to give it, but I don’t dare to smoke it. For President Zhou and me, how can there be any ‘lifetime’?”

He said that and got up to get his coat. Zhou Lan froze in place, looking at his back, so thin, but so stubborn, desperate and indifferent.

Wasn’t this his, Zhou Lan’s, monopoly?

Anger surged for a moment, and he couldn’t help but reach out and hook his arm around Shen Yun’s neck to press him down on the sofa.

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