Zhou Lan glanced out the window. The drizzle had turned into heavy rain, and the rain was mixed with snowflakes, like a person who couldn’t control his own destiny, moved by the wind and falling into the dust weakly in the cold winter night.

In this place, at this time, the last bus was gone, and it was quite difficult to get a taxi, especially on such a cold and rainy night.

He looked at Shen Yun’s back as the young man walked out without hesitation.

The back was straight, the steps were heavy, and the tight but unnatural lines sketched the back of a man who was stubbornly trying his best to endure.

Zhou Lan understood that what he did today was a bit fierce, and he didn’t know how much perseverance the other party had exerted to stand in such a straight posture.

He lowered his gaze; the corners of his lips hid a hint of a smile as he tapped his long slender fingers with considerable interest.

Shen Yun’s fingertips had already touched the doorknob. His heart was beating very fast. The chips were already on the table, waiting for the opponent to reveal his cards. The initiative at this moment was in Zhou Lan’s hands, and Shen Yun was not confident that he would be able to win.

Just when he thought there was no hope, Zhou Lan finally spoke: “Are you going to leave like this?”

“Otherwise?” Shen Yun didn’t look back, his fingers still on the doorknob.

Zhou Lan rubbed his forehead: “It’s really a headache, but I don’t like to take advantage of others.”

Shen Yun smiled a little: “You didn’t take advantage of me. You seem to have done what you promised.”

Seem to have done? This person’s mouth was quite poisonous. Zhou Lan smiled.

The fingers exerted force and opened the door.

Zhou Lan walked over from behind and pressed down his hand, keeping close to his body, then slowly pushed the door close again.

The cold wind that rolled in through the crack of the door was shut out again, leaving a futile helpless sigh.

Pulling the young man into the bedroom without pity, tearing off his clothes and dropping them on the floor piece by piece, and then pressing his weight on him, ignoring his wet angry eyes, Zhou Lan leaned down and whispered softly: “I don’t want to see news of someone freezing to death tomorrow.”

Shen Yun smiled: “President Zhou is doing charity?”

“No, I’m just doing what I should do.”

Under his movements, Shen Yun’s cold skin became hot again.

After Zhou Lan vented again, he licked the peach blossom mole at the corner of his eye and muttered: “I will do what I promised you, but I can’t leave such an important project to you alone. You need to cooperate with Moxi.”

“Moxi?” Shen Yun murmured.

Zhou Lan felt the body in his arms stiffen and stroked the other’s back: “Dissatisfied?”

Shen Yun raised the corners of his lips: “Very satisfied.”

Zhou Lan hugged him tightly and said with a smile: “It’s just that I still have one condition.”

Shen Yun blinked and said with a chuckle: “President Zhou has so many conditions.”

Zhou Lan ignored the mockery in his tone: “Accompany me more in the future, eh?”

He pinched Shen Yun’s chin, looked into his eyes, and waited for him to answer.

Shen Yun’s eyes were wet, and he asked softly, “For how long?”

Zhou Lan thought for a while: “Until I get tired. Maybe it won’t take long.”

Shen Yun hooked the corner of his lips; until he was tired? He thought that it was so much more pure and real than the oaths of so-called eternal love.

A true villain was better than a hypocrite. He said softly: “Until you get tired, then.”

Zhou Lan was taken aback. He was teasing at the other party, half serious and half playful. There was a knife in his words but he didn’t expect the other party to accept it so calmly.

He hadn’t experienced this feeling of not being able to figure out someone else’s mind for a long time. He couldn’t help but look into the other’s eyes seriously, trying to confirm what the other party was thinking, but Shen Yun didn’t give him this opportunity. He was too tired, and he closed his eyes wearily while talking.

Zhou Lan’s gaze fell on the peach blossom mole at the corner of his eye, and he stretched out his hand to touch it, but finally stopped, as if afraid of waking up the young man.

There had once been such a person, engraved in his heart, and that person also had such a peach blossom mole at the corner of his eye, exactly the same.

In countless late nights, he had dropped hot kisses on that spot.

***

Since he was reborn, Shen Yun had rarely been able to sleep so deeply. He was really too tired.

But the usual dreams still appeared as they were supposed to.

In the dream, it was his and Xu Moran’s home. It was a small two storey villa with swing chairs on the balcony. Gao Xi stood there and looked out the window. The flower garden was full of flaming red roses blooming, hot like fire.

Xu Moran walked in, hugged him from behind and gently kissed his earlobe.

Gao Xi smiled and turned his head. Xu Moran looked into his eyes and said “I love you”, then put his hand on his heart and asked, do you love me too?

Gao Xi’s peach blossom eyes curved up slightly, and he said, silly, if I don’t love you, who else can I love?

Xu Moran was not satisfied and said, can you give me your heart?

Without hesitation, Gao Xi reached into his chest and took out his heart that was dripping with blood. The heart was still beating. He said in a hoarse voice, why wouldn’t I give it to you?

Xu Moran carefully held the heart in his hand, lowered his head and kissed it. His lips were covered with blood, but his eyes flashed with a frenzied light, his appearance a bit terrifying.

But Gao Xi still looked at him with a smile. Xu Moran’s eyes looked greedily at Gao Xi’s heart, watching it for a long time. Gao Xi stretched out his hand and said, smiling, give it to me. If you don’t give it back to me, I will die.

Xu Moran stretched out his hand, and suddenly clenched his palm hard, and the heart dripping with blood shattered in the palm of his hand.

The warm blood splattered Gao Xi’s face, and even his eyes turned blood red.

Xu Moran laughed frantically, Gao Xi, you will belong to me completely when you die.

Gao Xi bent down in pain, shouting: “Don’t!”

Shen Yun knew it was a dream, but even if he knew it was a dream, he still felt distressed and couldn’t breathe. He cried out and sat up on the bed, clutching his chest and taking big gulps of air. His heart was in his chest, pounding fiercely, but it was no longer Gao Xi’s heart.

The cold sweat dripped down from his forehead, and the pyjamas on his body were drenched.

There was a man next to him whose eyes were shining in the dark, looking at him in silence.

Shen Yun’s heart skipped a beat, and there was a feeling of time and space shifting, and at this moment, he didn’t know exactly where he was and in what time.

But this dizziness soon passed, and he said softly, “I’m sorry, President Zhou.”

Zhou Lan didn’t move, but kept looking at him: “Having a nightmare?”

Shen Yun nodded, lay down again and curled up, slowly closing his eyes.

Shen Yun had been having this dream for a long time. Sometimes it would repeat two or three times a night, even though every time he said to himself in his dream that it was a dream, don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid.

But every time he was frightened and panicked, and hurt to the core.

The man who was once so calm and confident could now only curl up night after night, hoping to find a little sense of security.

But his heart could no longer trust anyone, so this sense of security was destined not to be found.

Shen Yun thought, maybe in his previous life he had made a great mistake and committed a great sin, so in this life he had to taste the sweetness of the world, and then eat the suffering of the world, slowly put to death by a thousand cuts.

If there was no previous sweetness, the current bitterness might only be the habitual bitterness, the numb bitterness. It was precisely because of the previous sweetness that this bitterness was reaching the bone marrow, unbearable.

If he had never seen the sun before, he would believe that he could survive such a cold winter, but unfortunately, he had already seen the sun…

The breathing of the man next to him was slow, steady and long. Shen Yun quietly got out of bed and sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows on the balcony of the bedroom. At some point, the rain outside turned into snowflakes, floating carelessly.

He lowered his head and lit a cigarette. He inhaled deeply, and then sighed softly. The sigh was as light as smoke; before it could show its shape, it dissipated without a trace.

Zhou Lan opened his eyes and looked at the figure sitting on the window  hugging his knees. The snowy light outside shone in, sketching a silhouette that was lonely to the extreme. The silhouette was smoking in silence, looking sideways out the window. If there was no smoking, maybe he would think it was a statue. 

Zhou Lan glanced at it a few times, and then slowly closed his eyes. Before falling asleep, he thought, this person is quite interesting.

The early morning sun poured into the window, like broken gold, mottled with years, and everything last night was like a dream.

Shen Yun had already left, and Zhou Lan didn’t know when he left, or how he left.

The snow had stopped, and a thin layer had accumulated on the ground.

The property staff had already cleaned up the road and were helping the parked cars to clean up the snow.

Everything was as usual, as if Shen Yun had never been here.

It was just that the T-shirt worn by the other party was neatly folded at the head of the bed, and Zhou Lan could still smell a faint milky fragrance when he got closer.

Shen Yun had been here.

***

Shen Yun went to the neighbourhood where Gao Xi’s parents lived.

Since waking up, it seemed that many days had passed, but in fact, it was only seven or eight days.

Except for the drawings designed for Zhou Lan to see, he didn’t waste a little bit of energy elsewhere.

It was not that he didn’t want to come, it was just that he didn’t have the courage, and he was even more timid when being close to home.

He was afraid of seeing what he dared not see, and hearing what he dared not hear.

Shen Yun and Gao Xi’s lives had no intersection at all, and he couldn’t inquire and dared not inquire about any news from the Gao family.

He missed his parents and Gao Yuan.

Every time he thought about it, he immediately used busyness to divert his mind, but he could only divert it and couldn’t eradicate that sentiment.

In this life, the only thing Gao Xi was sorry for was his parents.

When he was young, he fell in love early, and the other party was still a boy, so his parents couldn’t accept it for a while. They once fiercely resisted it, but eventually compromised because of their love for their son.

Life had just seen the dawn of the new era, his parents had reached the age of retirement and were waiting to enjoy their peaceful days when the white-haired people had to see off the black-haired people (the old had to bury the young).

Shen Yun stood on the side of the road leaning against the lamppost and lit a cigarette, looking at the entrance of the neighbourhood.

Many familiar people walked by in front of him. Although some people thought this young man looked a little strange, no one paid too much attention. After all, everyone was busy with their own lives and didn’t have much time to focus on others.

Shen Yun watched them pass by. The neighbours and friends who were once so familiar didn’t know him at this moment.

A pair of elderly people walked out. The snow on the road had been cleared, but the two still supported each other.

Shen Yun glanced at them a few times before he realised that they were his parents.

His eyes quickly turned red, his nose was sore and painful, and he could hardly recognise his parents.

His mother’s hair that used to be jet black was almost completely white.

It was only three months, and she turned old and grey, and she was less than sixty years old.

His father looked better, but his back that had been straight before was bent.

Although he looked better, Shen Yun could see at a glance that his father’s vitality was gone.

The two old people lowered their heads and walked towards Shen Yun while chatting, getting closer and closer.

Shen Yun tried to look away and turned around, but his tears could no longer be controlled.

He bit his lip and let the tears rush out like a stream. Because he couldn’t cry loudly, his chest hurt.

One by one, the teardrops fell into the snow that had been swept on the side of the road, making small black holes in the snow.

Shen Yun lowered his head, trying to wait for the two old people to pass. Maybe this was the last time in his life that he could be so close to his parents.

He really wanted to, really wanted to jump into his parents’ arms and tell them that he was Gao Xi.

But dragging such a broken soul and such a dirty body, what right did he have to jump into the arms of these two people who were as bright as the moon?

The elderly couple was getting closer and closer, and Shen Yun felt his body tremble uncontrollably.

He wanted to run, but his body couldn’t move as if it was fixed.

Someone patted him on the shoulder, and his father’s voice sounded behind him: “Young man…”

Shen Yun trembled all over, his mind exploding.

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