Buddha-like Rebirth Chapter 64

At the beginning of the reboot of the entire world of “His Name Will Live On in History”, Xie Ke didn’t know that Fu Zhiyu was also reborn.

He really didn’t plan to meet any accidents. After all, he had been through too many so-called surprises. All he could think about was being with Zhiyu again, pampering him more than ever before, trying to express all his love to Zhiyu clearly, and making up for all the regrets between them.

He had survived such a long period of pain, relying on this expectation.

It was indeed a great blow to know that Zhiyu was also reborn. At the beginning, Xie Ke mistakenly felt that the main reason why he had caused so much harm to Zhiyu in his previous life was because he wasn’t honest enough, was distracted by other inexplicable elements, and never told his lover his true intentions. 

He thought that if he expressed himself enough and did enough, Zhiyu would come back. But it was only after he had really hit the wall that he realised that this wasn’t the case.

This was only useful if the other party still loved him. But Zhiyu clearly didn’t love him anymore, and everything Xie Ke expressed made him extremely bored.

It was a very painful thing to understand. There was an invisible barrier between him and Zhiyu, a barrier of all the hurt he had caused before, hurt that couldn’t be erased, that couldn’t be healed, and Xie Ke knew this, but he couldn’t let go.

It was impossible to let go.

From the moment Zhiyu returned, Xie Ke was grateful to fate for giving him another chance.

Even though Zhiyu was cold from the beginning to the end, just looking at him made Xie Ke happy. It was so much better than the hopeless life he had had before. At least now, Zhiyu was still by his side.

But Zhiyu didn’t like it. Every contact he made, even when Xie Ke appeared in front of him, made Zhiyu feel annoyed.

Before going to the battlefield of the Qianyuan Battle, Xie Ke clearly understood this, which was one of the reasons why he chose to leave for the time being.

It was a very difficult decision to leave. Although it was only temporary, the situation was such that Xie Ke wanted to protect the stability of the whole world. He waited in vain for Zhiyu in Aiwan Pavilion; from that time on, he knew that he should indeed leave.

The Qianyuan Battle was a very important node, and walking through it again, Xie Ke felt very differently.

It was the place where he and Zhiyu had made love in their previous life, but the memories were not very pleasant in retrospect. He thought it was a meeting of hearts, but for Zhiyu, it was the beginning of torment.

Xie Ke found the old shepherds. The shepherds didn’t know who he was, but they were still as gentle and cheerful as in the previous life, and they were very willing to open up and talk with him.

“Did you make your lover unhappy?” The shepherd grinned and said, “We also quarrel, but no matter how we quarrel, we will still be together.”


“Because…” The shepherd pondered for a while and didn’t seem to find a suitable adjective to describe it, “Because when we are together, we are happier than when we quarrel, so we still get back together again.”

Xie Ke also smiled and murmured, “But we didn’t just quarrel…”

The shepherd saw that he was really confused and said the words “love, trust and respect” to him, and told him about his experience. Xie Ke knew it in his heart, but he didn’t get it right.

He kept feeling that no matter how he expressed it, Zhiyu would misunderstand it as having ulterior motives, and the two of them had never been able to find a channel for normal communication.

After he came back from the shepherds, he kept thinking about it carefully until the final battle. He was hit by a fire bolt from the barbarians. At that time, he was on the verge of death and was really anxious. He only felt that if it was truly the end, he had to see Zhiyu. The thoughts that were suppressed for a short time were surging uncontrollably, so he simply bandaged his injuries and set off to return to the capital.

In fact, the injury was really not that serious at the beginning, so Xie Ke didn’t use life-saving props when he arrived. While he was on his way, the wound worsened.

When he returned to the capital, he saw Zhiyu after a long time, and then walked the line between life and death. After that Xie Ke felt that he seemed to understand a little bit. He no longer dared to touch Zhiyu as he did at the beginning. As the days passed, the more he looked at Zhiyu’s attitude, the more things he understood.

If he had been sincere to Zhiyu, no matter whether there was a barrier to communication or not, he would have been able to feel it.

In the past, he had never let Zhiyu feel what he called sincerity. Even when he had just returned, he only caused Zhiyu distress; what he had made Zhiyu feel then was his selfishness, his completely selfish love.

After all, he didn’t care about Zhiyu’s wishes, he just wanted the two of them to be together again.

Xie Ke worked hard to change. He knew that Zhiyu didn’t like others staring at him, especially the Shadow. Even if he was worried about Zhiyu’s safety, he gradually removed the shadow guards and didn’t let himself interfere with Zhiyu too much. At the same time, he also tried to hold the power over the entire capital firmly in his hands, so that even if the Shadow didn’t watch, Xie Ke knew that nothing would go wrong with his beloved one.

Give him freedom and protect him.

He was also carefully looking for ways to really make Zhiyu happy. Even if he was jealous of the men and women in the backyard of the residence and there was Lin Miaotang who appeared later, Xie Ke tried his best to suppress his inner emotions and go along with Zhiyu’s wishes.

In fact, he had guessed very early that Zhiyu wouldn’t stay in the capital for a long time. From the moment he knew that Zhiyu had chosen to pretend stupid, he faintly understood a little bit.

Xie Ke never planned to be emperor. At first, he thought about pushing Xie Lin up, but he didn’t expect Fu Yanran to take the initiative to find him.

Fu Yanran was very suitable. The Xie family held all the power, and there was no need to change dynasties and be accused by the world. Xie Lin was actually not ready to really sit on the throne. Everyone was very satisfied with this arrangement.

No matter where Zhiyu went, he could follow him, and he would have the power to protect him wherever he went.

This was Xie Ke’s vision.

He felt that if he took his time, Zhiyu would come back sooner or later. It didn’t matter. He had time and patience.

But telling the truth about all of this caused Xie Ke’s so-called plan to be disrupted once again.

He suddenly felt that he was still wrong.

“Do you know what it is like to die?”

Fu Zhiyu asked him.

Xie Ke had experienced what it was like to be worse than dead after losing Zhiyu, but he opened his mouth and didn’t answer.

The so-called life worse than death was his own choice, and he could only blame himself. Zhiyu was different. Because of the so-called misinformation he was killed by his lover; the pain given by others, especially when this “other” was the man he loved with all his heart and soul for a lifetime, was really not the same thing as self-inflicted pain.

At that time, Xie Ke actually understood a little bit of what Shen Yang said to him.

He should have wanted to tell Zhiyu the truth about what had happened before. Because Zhiyu was the one who had gone through all this torture, Xie Ke couldn’t keep him from knowing all the truth just because he was afraid. From now on, he was willing to leave it all to Zhiyu’s choice.

Whether he wanted to leave or stay, even if he didn’t want to see him again…

If Zhiyu felt uncomfortable with his expectation of getting back together, he wouldn’t do it anymore, wouldn’t bother him anymore.

As long as Zhiyu was happy.

When Xie Ke chased after him, he really didn’t expect Zhiyu to make such a move.

He drew his bow at him, his face as indifferent as ever, but such Fu Zhiyu made Xie Ke feel the pain he had never known before, the kind of disbelief that went deep into the bone marrow, making him stop where he was, unable to come forward to say a word to explain.

In his previous life, Zhiyu had never treated Xie Ke that way, no matter how disappointed he was.

In this life, he chose to ignore everything. Xie Ke became accustomed to seeing his cold face, but only at this time did he feel Zhiyu’s true feelings for him.

That was the true cruelty under the appearance of indifference and laziness.

He wants me to die.

After Xie Ke felt this, he didn’t think about dodging. He just watched the arrow being shot and sink into his chest accurately.

He knew that Zhiyu’s strength was increasing. Although they stopped the other arrows, this one couldn’t be stopped; not to mention that he didn’t even want to avoid it.

The shadow guards watched all this. They had no time to take care of Fu Zhiyu, who was far away, and hurriedly sent Xie Ke back to the capital.

The doctor who treated his back injury last time was still there, but the doctor was self-aware and knew that it was clearly not his merit last time that the young General Xie’s injuries healed inexplicably.

He could only carefully remove the arrow for Xie Ke, and then treat and bandage his wound. But the wound was too deep. To be honest, the doctor felt that the fact that Xie Ke hadn’t died on the way back was already a miracle.

He deeply doubted whether Xie Ke was some kind of demon to have lasted this long.

“You go out,” Xie Ke said to him, “All go out, I want to be alone… for a while.”

The room was empty, with only the pungent smell of blood permeating it.

“027,” Xie Ke’s voice was already very weak. When he said these words, he seemed to be whimpering, “I thought… I thought that the most painful time had passed. I saw Zhiyu, no matter how cold he was, but he came back, and I, I felt happy.”

“But no, ah…” He took a deep breath, “Look, he hates me so much, he just… wants me to die.”

It was only then that Xie Ke felt the real pain compared with the injury to his chest.

To be killed by someone you loved turned out to be so painful.

“I never wanted to stop him from leaving, never…” Xie Ke didn’t hear 027’s reply, talking to himself, “I just wanted to tell him that he could go anywhere. I, I just didn’t want him to leave in this way. He didn’t have to do this… There was no need, no need to wrong himself.

I planned so much, all for him, I just wanted to tell Zhiyu, I wanted to give Jiangnan to him, I could do it… as his place, I just wanted to tell him this…”

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9 thoughts on “Buddha-like Rebirth Chapter 64

  1. I feel a bit of heartache for XK but it hurts me even more to think of all the pain that Zhiyu had to accumulate for his great love to evaporate even the desire to kill XK was born. 💔

    Thanks for the chapters!!

    1. I actually feel very sorry for Xie Ke starting from these chapters and to the very end. But every time when I think that he suffers too much, I read some other crematorium when the gong usually doesn’t suffer nowhere enough, so I feel mentally balanced 🙂 I think it was not that Zhiyu wanted to kill Xie Ke, he just wanted to get rid of him, and he actually didn’t care so much that it was all the same for him if Xie Ke was gone in some other way, or dead in this world, or dead altogether as an actor. This level of indifference is the worst punishment for Xie Ke. But I also feel that Zhiyu definitely has a low-key PTSD from the previous life, even though the author doesn’t mention it. No matter what Xie Ke does, Zhiyu can’t meet his feelings now, he needs much, much more time.

    2. Good, good. He’s learning! 😌

      The past few chapters fleshing out Xie Ke’s backstory was done pretty well (tissue paper-wise), and I liked the last two paragraphs especially. Makes me think of a scorned kid explaining in a quiet voice to himself, since no one else would want to listen.

      1. Ahhh it’s posted as a reply again, even though I tried so hard not to touch the reply button while scrolling!!!

        WordPress y u do this to mobile users aaahhhhhhhhh 囧rz

      2. Right right!!! Perfectly said! Me too, I was a bit teary… and then, oh, then the hardest time for Xie Ke starts. I felt really sad while translating next thirty chapters 🙁 🙁

  2. his realization of ZY’s indifference is so heartbreaking that I actually feel really bad for him. T-T

    (I’ve read a few groveling types and usually I still don’t feel bad even after knowing their reason but XK’s reasons really just makes it feel like ZY and XK fate’s were never align. :’))

    1. After those chapters I really looked at him different. I mean: he was born as an actor. Not to be an actor, XK was born not like a normal human being, he had no family, no childhood, of course, he makes many, many mistakes on his way. But it’s the bitter way they both have to walk to the end.

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