“What does 8 plus 2 equal?”

“It equals 10!”

“And 8+2+3= what?”

“What does it… equal…?”

“Equals what? You’re asking me? Use your own brain, count by yourself!”

“It… equals 11?”

“!!! How can it be 11? How come you can’t count it? It’s so simple!” Qin Zhuopu, wearing his glasses, clenched one of his hands on his thigh and tapped the pen in his other hand on the desk. His normally gentle expression twisted to the point of distortion. Those who knew him could see that at this moment Mr. Qin was already on the verge of losing control.

Lu Zaizai pouted and grunted: “What does it really equal? You know and don’t tell me, you just keep pestering me! I hate doing maths problems like this, I only like to add and subtract two numbers.”

Enduring the suffocation, Qin Zhuopu rubbed his chest that was about to explode, forced himself to calm down, and continued: “Okay. Let’s leave this question alone. First do the following two-number addition and subtraction questions. Come on, let’s go on. This question, 21+12=? You can calculate it well, don’t be nervous.”

Lu Zaizai frowned absent-mindedly, scratched his ears and then looked down at the question, “I know this, it equals 44!” After the answer was given, he noticed Qin Zhuopu’s hideous expression and his face that suddenly changed colour. Lu Zaizai choked, his fat face trembled, and he changed his answer quickly: “42!”

Qin Zhuopu glared at him.

Lu Zaizai hurriedly held up his ten fingers and slowly wrestled with the calculation, 1, 2, 3… two plus two equals four, one plus two equals three, oh oh oh oh I worked it out, it equals 43! I’m right this time, huh! Lu Zaizai’s joyful expression slowly disappeared and he stopped laughing when he saw Qin Zhuopu shudder, take off his glasses and tilt his head to look up at the sky.

Are you a reincarnation of a pig, ah??? Qin Zhuopu, who was furious, wanted to roar at this unenlightened child, but he couldn’t. His years of good upbringing and endurance made him curb his temper. All that was left was a belly full of helplessness and bitter laughter. God must be getting back at him! Punishing him for being too proud before! When he was studying, his maths scores were always second to none, and his mantra during his middle school years was ‘Maths is so easy’! His other ideas used to be ‘Pigs are actually smart and probably better at learning maths than some people’ and ‘Being bad at maths is purely due to a lack of intelligence’.

Look how many years after graduation God has sent his son to clean him up, torture him and punish him!

Qin Zhuopu kept twirling the pen in his hand, his eyes staring coolly at his chubby, innocent-faced son. When he spoke again, his voice had become a little hoarse: ”Look down at the vertical equation I’m making and see it clearly. On the left is 2 against 1 and on the right is 1 against 2. Tell me, what does 2 plus 1 on the left equal?”

“3!”

“Very good, what does 1 plus 2 on the right side equal?”

“3!”

“So 21 plus 12 equals what?”

Lu Zaizai paused, and tentatively told his father the answer: “66?”

I-!!!

There is no way my son could be this stupid!

Qin Zhuopu’s blood pressure was soaring and he was about to reach the critical point when there was a sudden knock on the door and Lu Ying pushed his way in, holding a plate of cut-up fruit and a paper and pen.

Seemingly completely unaware of the tense and stormy atmosphere in the study, Lu Ying took a few steps to the table, put down the fruit and said, “Take a break for a while, have some fruit to moisten your throat.”

“Thank you, Dad, Dad is the best to me!” Lu Zaizai said meaningfully and happily ate the fruit. Qin Zhuopu tapped his pen on the table and said coldly, “I’m warning you, Lu Zaizai, don’t go to bed until you’ve finished these two pages today. Not only do you have to finish them, you have to get them right. I will stay with you until you cope with it.”

Lu Zaizai grunted, secretly rolled his eyes at Qin Zhuopu and muttered in a small voice, “I’m already tired, and you still want to force me to do my homework… I hate it, when am I going to do it… Dad, can I do it tomorrow?”

When the words were said, Qin Zhuopu stared at Lu Ying with a stern face.

Lu Ying swallowed and told his son with a serious attitude: “Don’t leave today’s affairs until tomorrow. There are only two pages. As long as you are serious, you can definitely do it. Come on. Dad is also very tired of accompanying you to do your homework. He even put down his work just to teach you maths, so you have to persevere.”

“I’m not happy, you’re both against me together…” Lu Zaizai wailed.

Lu Ying sighed. Qin Zhuopu sighed.

Dad’s heart is so tired.

Soon Lu Ying walked out obediently, thoughtfully closing the door for father and son. Finally, there was someone to replace him in what he hated and feared the most! He’s not going to rush up and take over (￣▽￣)/.

Since the New Year, Qin Zhuopu without fail had taken time out every day to teach his child to do maths, and his attitude couldn’t be more assertive. As for Chinese and English, there was no need to worry about Lu Zaizai; Qin Zhuopu was greatly satisfied with Lu Zaizai’s performance. Only mathematics…

Lu Ying covered his face, walking away. You really can’t blame him for his bad genes!

He is very clever in accounting and counting money at work, okay?

After fighting hard until half past nine, Qin Zhuopu finally let go of Lu Zaizai and himself and could call it a day and rest.

Qin Zhuopu put away his glasses and pinched his eyebrows, feeling that his body was hollowed out. These days, he accompanied his child to do homework every day, which was more tiring than a business trip.

Lu Zaizai was taken to shower by Lu Ying, and soon went to his room to sleep.

When Qin Zhuopu washed up and returned to the bedroom, Lu Ying, wearing pyjamas, was still awake, waiting for him with a pen and paper in his hand.

“Take a look, I’ve thought of a few more names for the bakery today, what do you think?”

Qin Zhuopu took the small notebook and took a look. Lu Ying was obviously very attentive. He had thought of a lot of names, in Chinese and English, some with bold fonts and some with fancy fonts with patterns included in them.

Qin Zhuopu raised his eyebrows, “Why do you always pick names that include something about pigs?”

“What’s wrong with pigs?” Lu Ying glared.

“It doesn’t fit, it doesn’t sound good. Look, who in the country has a bakery with ‘pig’ in Chinese or English in its name?”

Lu Ying slumped on the bed, listless: “It really doesn’t sound very good… not so beautiful. Then you help me think of something! I’ll put up a signboard as soon as I decide on the name of the shop. It’s such a headache.”

Qin Zhuopu sighed helplessly: “Aren’t all the names I’ve picked before quite good and appropriate? Whether it’s the Chinese character for ‘deer’ or the English word ‘deer’, they’re both beautiful and go well with the bakery, but you don’t want them.”

Lu Ying rolled his eyes and said in exasperation, “I’ve told you several times that this theme plagiarises Brother Yang’s shop. It expresses his heart for Grandpa Lu, how can I copy it?”

Qin Zhuopu smiled: “What kind of plagiarism is that? Your Grandpa Lu’s surname is Lu, and so is yours, so if he can call it so, why can’t you? Besides it’s not exactly the same, the design could be in a completely different font, or with an added symbol, not to mention that Boss Yang didn’t even call it that in the end.”

Lu Ying rolled around on the big bed back and forth several times, and then he could stand it no longer, half-kneeling and pointing at Qin Zhuopu, “What’s wrong with you, you just want to have that ‘deer’ in the bakery’s name? There are so many Chinese characters and so many English words in the world, why do you have to focus on ‘deer’? Why should my shop be called ‘Deer’? Let’s not name it at all, why don’t we just call it ‘Bakery’?”

Lu Ying’s face was full of ‘I’m angry now’ and ‘Don’t you dare to argue with me again’.

Qin Zhuopu was helpless and very puzzled. He sat down and patted Lu Ying’s shoulder, saying gently, “How about not using any words, just get someone to design a simple and smooth shape of a deer? I think the pure shape should also be beautiful, noble and elegant, attracting people.”

“You’re a bastard!” Lu Ying roared with his eyes red.

“Ouch…”

Lu Ying smashed a pillow hard at Qin Zhuopu. Hearing the other party cry out, Lu Ying huffed and threw the pillow away. Is there something wrong with you? What else is there besides deer in your mind? I’m so angry! Big pig hoof! All that talk about loving only him in his heart was a lie! A philandering man who loves him as a human but is obsessed with a deer as an animal!

So angry, so angry!

Do you think he didn’t know? Qin Zhuopu’s study had a new oil painting of a ‘deer’! Under the moonlight, the deer was so beautiful, his eyes were so innocent and touching. It was really… a white lotus deer!

Many new books about deer had been added to Qin Zhuopu’s bookcase, some of which were detailed explanations, some were photographic atlases, and some were picture albums.

At some moment, an extra decorative painting with the theme of deer appeared in the living room, and various tableware was replaced in the kitchen to the one with deer. Qin Zhuopu came back from work today and happily showed off to him a woodcarving in the shape of a deer he had bought at an auction. It was very expensive!

The worst part was that when Lu Ying opened the wardrobe, he saw a whole new collection of custom-made clothes, almost all of which had deer on them! Including the dark black and white deer print pyjamas that Qin Zhuopu was wearing at the moment!

No kidding! Can you imagine that?

If it continued like this, Lu Ying was going to vomit blood!

“Do you like deer that much? How attractive are deer to you!” Lu Ying complained with red eyes. His favourite animal also used to be a deer, because of his grandfather. Now, thanks to Qin Zhuopu, he had begun to hate deer, to be jealous of them, and to curse them whenever he saw them!

Qin Zhuopu felt a bit aggrieved, but he still had to say, “What’s the matter with you? You’re arguing with me for no reason. What’s wrong with me liking deer? Deer are elegant and noble, beautiful and cute, sexy and charming, innocent and pure. What else can I like if I don’t like deer?” A deer was almost like a synonym for Lu Ying. Lu Ying and deer were so much alike, and his lover was so enchanting.

Lu Ying bit down on the blanket and yelled, his breath caught in his throat, pointing sulkily at Qin Zhuopu, “You admitted it! You really do like deer the most!” Damn those deer, he hated them so much!

“That’s right. I like deer the most.”

“There are so many cute animals on earth, why do you have to like deer? Aren’t other animals cute? Aren’t rabbits cute? Aren’t cats cute? Aren’t pigs cute?” The more Lu Ying asked, the more fierce his face became, his angry gaze eating Qin Zhuopu alive.

Qin Zhuopu: “……” Chills ran down his back.

According to his usual IQ and EQ, he should have chosen to speak less at this time. But according to his conventional understanding, he felt he was right! At all times, one must be firm and unwavering in one’s infatuation!

“There are indeed many cute animals. The rabbit is small and cute, but I don’t like the red eyes.” Qin Zhuopu spoke honestly.

Lu Ying’s breath steadied as he listened to Qin Zhuopu continue.

“Cats are cute too, but I’m not happy being a cat slave.”

Lu Ying’s breath steadied even more, and Qin Zhuopu’s heart settled.

“Pigs are somewhat cute, but…” Qin Zhuopu was silent for a while. He had just an ordinary person’s preferences; pigs were one of the livestock used for food in his eyes. Even if pet pigs were popular these days, he didn’t pay attention, didn’t feel anything and didn’t have interest.

“But what?” Lu Ying asked, staring at him.

Qin Zhuopu sighed: “Is it necessary to say? Those who like pigs are a minority after all, right? I’m not that alternative.”

“……” Lu Ying felt a sword pierce his chest. Covering his heart, Lu Ying felt tears fill his eyes as he spoke in a trembling voice: “You really… really… woo woo… you big pig hoof!!!”

Qin Zhuopu was taken aback, hurriedly stepped forward and asked: “What, what’s wrong? Why are you crying suddenly?”

Lu Ying’s eyes were full of tears: “You cheater…”

“What?! I am devoted to you, heaven and earth can see!” Qin Zhuopu cried out, feeling injustice.

“Sweet words are all lies to fool me! You’ve been lying to me all along, you don’t like me at all!”

“How could it be! I like you the most!”

“Liar…”

“You have to believe me.”

“Not believing, not believing!”

“Then what do I have to do for you to believe?”

Lu Ying sat up at once and instructed him with tears in his eyes, “First you take off the pyjamas you’re wearing!” He was going to destroy that damned third wheel! No more deer in the house!

“…okay.” Qin Zhuopu finished the task neatly.

Lu Ying looked at the man wearing only his underwear, his eyes widened and he trembled for a long time, unable to speak, “You, you…!”

Qin Zhuopu looked down at his underwear. It was a dark colour he liked and there was a dark pattern of deer elements added, the style he had carefully chosen.

No way! No way!

Lu Ying’s anger level shot up and soon broke through the limit.

“I can’t take it anymore!”

Boom – a bang.

Angry – and – transformed.

Qin Zhuopu: “(⊙o⊙)???”

***

Mini-theatre:

Lu Ying: You don’t love me.

Mr. Qin: I only love you!

Lu Ying: Prove it to me!

Mr. Qin: Tomorrow I’ll change all those things with deer in them.

Lu Ying: (*^▽^*) That’s more like it, let’s send all those to Brother Yang so they don’t go to waste.

Mr. Qin: …… (escaped)

Mini-theatre-2:

Friend A: Does Mr. Qin have any good projects recently? You can ask me to invest together.

Friend B: Mr. Qin seems to be travelling a lot recently. You are busy, are you going to make a fortune? Count me in.

Friend C: Me, me, we’re good friends for a lifetime, let’s make money together!

Mr. Qin: Recently, I acquired a pig farm to create the cleanest and happiest ‘pig paradise’ in the world. The pigs in it are the masters. They eat, drink and live well. There are special nutritionists to take care of them. Animal trainers educate them to learn and stylists make them beautiful. The pigs are not allowed to be killed or eaten, and they are treated like princes.

Friend A: …bye bye.

Friend B: (Lao Qin is less than forty this year, right? Why are there signs of senile dementia?）

Friend C: Well, my wife told me to go home to make dumplings, let’s talk next time!

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